Shoe Talk

Why do we go to such great lengths to break in a new pair of shoes? I just bought a new pair of shoes that really hurt my feet. But, I keep thinking that they will eventually "break in". I figure the more I wear them the more they will conform to my feet. But as the days go by, my feet keep hurting more and more. Maybe my feet are "breaking in" and not my shoes?

I think the most extreme example of this for me is when I bought new sandals for my cruise 4 years ago. They were probably the coolest sandals that I have ever seen in my 28 years on this earth. I spent quite a bit of money on them (for me it was a lot, I am kinda cheap) and was hell bent on wearing them the entire vacation. The sandals were fine for walking around the cruise ship, a little uncomfortable, but not bad. The next day the boat docked in the Bahamas. I had booked a trip to a private island for snorkeling and a grill out. It sounded perfect! Little did I know that I would have to walk over 3 miles to get to the boat to take me to the private island. This is when my sandals decided to act up a bit. Underneath the buckle on the side, the metal began to dig into my skin. A blister formed... then blood began to trickle down my foot. I was in horrible pain...... So I finally made it to the island and let me tell you, the salt water felt so great on the new cuts on my feet (ouch). When my time on the island was over I had to make the painful walk back to the cruise ship. I swore at that point I would never wear those sandals again..... The next day rolled around and I thought I would give the sandals one more try. By now they had to have been "broken in", right? Besides, I paid so much money, I can't just let them go to waste. WRONG! I slipped the sandals on and the metal buckle immediately pierced back into my open wound. I screamed like a little girl. I took the sandals off and ran to the top deck of the ship. I ran to the edge and launched the sandals overboard into the sea. I raised my arms in victory and belted out "I'm king of the world"! I felt so free.

Did I learn my lesson. Apparantly not. I sit hear typing this with my new shoes on, waiting for them to "break in". Sometimes I am an idiot.

BlizzardFest 2007

Well, winter has finally hit Iowa in February. We have had pretty good weather throughout the winter season, which made me start to believe in global warming. But, just when I thought spring was here.... a blizzard! I don't really mind the snow. I am use to it growing up in the midwest all my life. But there is one thing that annoys me about this inclimate weather. It is the scrolling messages on television showing all the closings and cancellations. If I am trying to watch a television program it is really distracting. It makes the screen smaller and every so often it gives a chime alert that pierces my ears and makes my cat go in to spontaneous convulsions (This is beyond scientific explanation). I do have to admit that sometimes the scrolling information is good. If I am looking to see if my work is closed, it is the best thing since sliced bread. Although you have to pay really good attention. With 400 or so closings on bad weather days, if I blink.... I may miss my work listing. Then you have to wait another 15 minutes for it to scroll through again. Sometimes I will sit there for up to an hour looking for my work listing, thinking that it will magically appear. Wow, my life is just so hard!

2 Sneezing Myths

2 Friday myths......

1. I had always heard that getting pepper in your nose would make you sneeze. FALSE. Contrary to what you see in Bugs Bunny cartoons, this doesn't work. I personally snorted some pepper yesterday and nothing happened. A little burning maybe, but no sneeze.

2. Another sneezing myth that I have busted. So called experts have always said you can't sneeze and keep your eyes open. If you did your eyes would pop out due to the 100 mph of force from the sneeze. FALSE. Just 2 hours ago I was able to sneeze and keep my left eye open. Although it did hurt a little bit, my eye definitely did not pop out. (This guy must not have been as lucky as me)

Thursday's Salute to The Office

Yes, it is Thursday. The best day for television of the week. Why, you ask? THE OFFICE IS ON! Here is a little salute to Michael and Dwight to get you in the mood for some Office humor. Happy watching! Don't forget, tonight on NBC.

Valtrex...Why So Happy?

So I was watching some television last night and I saw a very strange commercial. It was a commercial for a drug named Valtrex. If I would have had the television muted I would have thought it was for couples who had just won 10 million dollars or found out they are going to live forever. But no...... Valtrex is a drug for people with Genital Herpes. If you don't know what genital herpes is here you go:

"Genital herpes is an STD that typically appears as one or more blisters on or around the genitals or rectum. The blisters break, leaving tender ulcers (sores) that may take two to four weeks to heal the first time they occur."

So back to the commercial. The couples they show on this commercial are riding bikes, taking hikes, hugging each other, jumping for joy and acting like life is perfect. DID YOU SEE THE DEFINITION ABOVE? I don't think the first thing I would do if I had a blister on my rectum is to jump on a bike and take a ride around town. These drug commercials don't make any sense. Valtrex may help with symptons but don't sugar coat it. If you lead people to think that STDs aren't that bad for you and can be made into paradise with a drug, then they will think why have safe sex? Then more and more STDs will be passed around. Thanks Valtrex.

The Fat Tuesday Taxidermy Idea

"Taxidermy (Greek for "the arrangement of the skin") is the art of mounting or reproducing animals for display (e.g. as hunting trophies) or study."

I was talking with some people from work and the subject of a taxidermist came up. I had mentioned that when I die I want my body to be preserved in some manner so that I can still be seen around my house. I figured if I was stuffed, then my wife could mount me on the wall and still see me each day. This way I could be certain that she would never marry another man. Because what man would marry a woman who had a man mounted on her wall. Plus, could you really see "messing around" when your dead husband's eyes were watching you. Sure you could throw a shirt or pants over me, but I will still be there hanging out. That is just weird!

I hope everyone has a fun and safe Fat Tuesday! Go eat some greasy, fatty food! :)

Death by Water?

My wife is a nurse, so she is always talking about strange medical things. The other day she was trying to tell me that you could die from drinking too much water. I found the thought of this crazy! I know you can drown from water and that's it. How else could water kill you? Water is our friend, we depend on it to live. So after betting her a million dollars she was wrong I decided to "google" it. What I found out was astonishing. For the first time in my marriage, my wife was right (I should get in trouble for that)! Drinking too much water can kill you. Here's the scoop:
"Water intoxication (also known as hyperhydration or water poisoning) is a potentially fatal disturbance in brain function that results when the normal balance of electrolytes in the body is pushed outside of safe limits by a very rapid intake of water."
To put in it Brogan terms..... WATER KILLS! So beware. Next time you crack open that bottled water, just know this....IT COULD KILL YOU

Valentine's Day

So I got a package today. I was so excited! I never get packages on Valentine's day. I opened with the glee of a young school boy who has just had his first kiss. And then....... sudden horror. What was in the box? I was terrified. What does this mean???? It was a pig's heart with a nail driven through it. There was a small piece of paper inside underneath the bloody red heart. Out of morbid curiousity I needed to read it. So I peeled it off the heart. Here is what it said, "Your heart has no soul and has now been cursed by the black nail of Istanbul", signed "Fast Eddy McClintock". I didn't know what to think?

To be continued...............

Terry Tate : Office Linebacker

This is an older commercial but, nothing makes me laugh harder on a Friday than when I see Terry Tate. I wish I had a Office Linebacker at my work! "Get ready for the pain train!"

Killer Clowns from Outerspace

I am afraid of clowns. No I am not joking. I can't stand to be around them or even look at them (it is so hard to post a picture in the blog). The kid friendly character is a nightmare to me. I still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night, in a puddle of sweat because I have a dream about waking up in bed and seeing a clown standing at the foot of my bed. If I saw Bozo the clown I would run in fear!

So what is this fear?......

"Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. In discussions of causes of coulrophobia, sufferers seem to agree that the most fear-inducing aspect of clowns is the heavy makeup, often accompanied by the bulbous nose and weird color of hair, that conceals the wearer's identity."

I really think this stems back to 3 things in my childhood:

1. The Moive "IT" (Stephen King)

2. The Movie "Killer Clowns from Outerspace"

3. A TV show I saw about John Wayne Gacy, an American serial killer. He was convicted of murder of 33 boys and men, 27 of whom he buried in a crawl space under the floor of his house, while others were found in nearby rivers. He became notorious as the "Killer Clown" because of the many block parties he attended, entertaining children in a clown suit and makeup, under the name of Pogo the Clown.

I dare you to watch these shows and not have a fear of the clown. These shows are just plain messed up!

So how can somebody like me get rid of this fear. I think I need a support group to help. A place where there are others like me. Then I found it. A place where I belong. A website devoted to hating the evil clowns of the world that scare the bejesus out of us. http://www.ihateclowns.com/ncz/whyyou.php

Funky Pool

For those of you who have some free time on your hands. Check out this website: Funky Pool

It is a cool site where you can play online Pool for free. You can learn to be a Pool shark in no time!

Sweaters Anonymous

It is officially cold in Iowa now. The average temperature the last 5 days has been 1 degree. Now that is what I call cold my friends. But for some strange reason....... I still sweat. Now I have always had a sweating problem. I blame genetics for the one flaw in an otherwise perfect body (puke now). It seems like everyone in my family sweats alot. So this is nothing new. But today as I drove to work I stopped to think about it. Why do I sweat when it is soooo cold out. I mean I get into the car with a long sleeved shirt and my winter coat on because otherwise I would die of hypothermia. But on my drive to work every morning I "pit out". It is a no win situation. Either I freeze to death or I go to work "pitted out". Does this happen to anybody else out there?

2007 Blooker

The Brogan Book has been entered into the 2007 Lulu Blooker Prize. The Lulu Blooker Prize is the world's first literary prize devoted to "blooks"—books based on websites such as blogs and webcomics. Of course it should win, but we won't know until March if it has made the list of finalists. What's that you say? You haven't read The Brogan Book. That's hard to believe. Well you can fix that by ordering a copy today! Click Here.

Not So Super Bowl

What a dissapointing Super Bowl! Not only did the Bears lose, but I had to watch Prince strut around stage during halftime. Plus, the commercials weren't even that good (Even after a few Captain Morgans in my bloodstream!). I guess I don't understand it. I would say the majority of people watching the Super Bowl were men. Why would men want to watch a girlie metro sexual prance around stage. That just doesn't seem very manly. One last opinion on the Super Bowl.... When are the Bears going to find a real quarterback?

More Great Office Drama

Yes, it is more of the Office Drama courtesy of You Tube. This is great stuff. It mixes Dwight Schrute with James Bond. Great!