Are you looking for that perfect gift for someone over the holidays? How about a book for them to throw on their coffee table and to read a little bit every so often? Plus, it makes a great coaster! Well head on over to Amazon and buy a copy of my book now for less than $8.00. These are just a few of the things you can learn from my book:
1) Is it just me, or is anyone else freaked out by the "King" in the Burger King
commercials?
2) Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
3) Marriage is when a man and a woman become as one, the trouble starts when they
try to decide which one.
4) I know that I am not the only one that looks into the fridge more than just once,
somehow thinking that the food fairy will deliver you some food.
5) Someone should start a business named "None" .... It would be a marketing gold
mine because everyone else would be "Second to None."
6) Have you ever noticed that no matter what you bring to the office, if it's free,
people will eat it?
7) Sometimes something as easy as parking is a mystery to some people.
8) What were the early Iowa settlers thinking when they decided to just stop going
West and stay in Iowa? It couldn't have been during the winter!
9) When I drink alcohol I have to urinate every five minutes. It almost takes the fun
out of drinking.
10) You don't really appreciate a napkin until you don't have one.
11) My whole strategy towards my appearance is NKNC - Not Knowing, Not
Caring!!
12) I never shave on the weekend, by the time Sunday comes I resemble Big Foot.
13) I wouldn't want my last experience on earth to be screaming with a man attached
to my backside.
14) I cheated on my girl spouse ... with a drinking fountain.
15) A bunch of drunk kids hanging out of a sunroof of a limo doesn't exactly scream
prestigious.
16) Sometimes I look in the mirror and think that I am the hottest guy on the planet.
17) Positive thinking is free.
18) I have found that two shots of vodka and a sleeping pill go a long ways to
reaching that nice slumber you've been dreaming about. (Or you could just
read my book!)
19) Nobody wants to do their "duty" on a date.
20) When you are kissing someone, one of the weirdest feelings is opening your eyes
and having another set of eyes staring back at you.
21) If a woman wants to marry a man, they should present him with a plasma TV.
22) Somehow when I eat cereal, my brain goes to a far off galaxy where it can't retain
information.
23) I think I know how it feels to be a woman with fake breasts.
24) One of the most valuable things I get from Target each week isn't the groceries I
buy, but the plastic bags they come in.
25) The gold flakes had stayed stuck to the wall where the vomit was. . It just goes
to show you, drinking does pay off sometimes!
26) There is just something about being confined to a small area with a stranger that
makes my skin crawl.
27) It usually doesn't hit you until about an hour later. You are sitting at work and
notice a white paste on your pants.
28) I am looking at only a matter of minutes that have passed ... I think this must be
what hell is like.
29) One thing I know for certain ... I will always tie my shoelaces before getting on
an escalator!
30) If someone knows of a dishwasher that guarantees to dry Tupperware, please let
me know! I am willing to pay a large sum of money.
Curious about my book? Find out more and read reviews here.
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