Some Bling for your Belly

Much like champagne, Goldschlager has a reputation as a celebration drink. It is touted by style consultants for its ability to increase one's inner bling. Goldschlager actually has little flakes of gold floating around in it. For those of you who don’t know, Goldschlager is hard liquor that has a cinnamon taste.
So one night my friend and I were drinking some Goldschlager with some Bailey’s Irish Crème (Oatmeal Cookie). After a few drinks I noticed that both full bottles were gone. This is when things started to get interesting. My friend began to feel sick to her stomach. She stumbled and fell to the ground. She then proceeded to vomit all over the wall. By this time I was feeling a little gross myself and went to bed. The next morning I woke up and noticed that something shiny was on the wall. The gold flakes had stayed stuck on the wall where the vomit was. Wow. I now had a gold wall. It just goes to show, drinking does pay off sometimes!

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A Must for Downloading

This is a great new tool for your computer that I just found out about. It is a free version of Office that is pretty much identical to Microsoft's version. You can open up any excel or word file in the Staroffice version. I have played around with it awhile and like it alot! So save yourself some money and stick it to Microsoft. Lord knows they have enough money! www.openoffice.org

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Cat Safari

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Second Edition

A new second edition of The Brogan Book has been released. A few new things have been added to enhance the first release and make it even better (hard to believe). It's the same as a DVD coming out with a limited, special deluxe edition. It will make you laugh, cry and really has something for the whole family. Pick up your copy today! Click Here to Buy

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Weight Loss Plan

I have a question to pose. On television ads featuring weight loss plans, why do the before and after picture look so different? I understand that the person should look a lot slimmer. But what about the other changes? I mean, does a tanning package and a bottle of hair dye come with the "wonder" fat-burning pills? Take some time and look the next time you see one of these commercials. In the before picture: A tired looking, pale, dark haired fat woman wearing sweats and a t-shirt. In the after picture: A tan, skinny, blond haired woman in a swimsuit. Come on!
At least make it look realistic.
That is an easy lawsuit waiting to happen. I am going to take the pills and when I don't get tan and end up on a beach somewhere, with blond highlights, I am going to cry "False Advertising". Then I will win my lawsuit, eat steak all the time and get fat. But, the ironic thing is, there will be no fat burning pills to take, because I will have forced the company out of business with my lawsuit.

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Second to None

I came up with a brilliant idea this past weekend. For some reason I kept hearing the phrase "Second to None", on the radio and on television commercials. For some reason all these companies think that they are the best. This got me thinking......
Somebody should start a business named "None". Think about it, it is a marketing gold mine. Everytime an ad says that they are "Second to None", they are actually admitting that your company, "None", is the best. You are #1. They are second to only you.
I am a genius. Pure and simple. :)

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Thank You Target

One of the most valuable things I get from Target each week isn't the groceries I buy, but the plastic bags they come in. This is true of plastic bags from any grocery store. I prefer Target bags because they are a little heavier quality, but that is neither here nor there. The point is..... You can use them for just about anything. Here is just a short list of the wonders of the Target plastic bag. The main thing I use them for is my daily lunch sack. They are perfect. Each day you see the work fridge lined with different grocery store bags. They are so much cooler than paper bags! Okay, here are some other ways to recycle your plastic bags:
1. Use them for cleaning the litter box
2. Use them as a trash can liner in a small garbage can
3. Make a new outfit with them (see picture)
4. Use them to put your old soda cans in
5. They make perfect cat toys (my kitten can't get enough)
6. Use them for taking clothes to the good will
7. Do you have a new pair of shoes and it is raining...No problem, use the sacks to put over your shoes to protect them.
8. If you are a professional hitman, you can use them to suffocate your victims
9. They make a perfect parachute for hamsters!
10. Use them to take clothes to the laundry mat
11. And last but now least...... They are great to vomit in.

Thanks Target! We should be paying for these sacks. :)

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Goodbye Independent Tom

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On the Drive

Today was just like any other day while driving to work. I was listening to some tunes, spacing off and trying not to be blinded by the sun. Then, I saw something. It was car transporter. But, this one was empty. The wheel tracks leading up to the back of the truck didn't look that far from the ground. It looked as if I could just drive my Ion right up it. I starting thinking to myself.... I should try it. Why should I do the same boring thing everyday? TODAY, I AM GOING TO GET CRAZY!!

So I floored my little 4-cylinder Saturn Ion (I felt like Tom Cruise in Days of Thunder). I was determined to get onto the back of the car transporter. My wheels met with the back of the truck, a horrible metal on metal screaching sound pierced my ears. I lost control of the car and did a 360 onto the otherside of the interstate. Wow. I guess the little Ion couldn't handle it. But at least I gave it a shot. :) I can't wait to explain this one to the insurance guy.

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