Lottery Tickets - The Worst Gift Idea?

Sometimes people will throw Lottery tickets in a with a card as part of a gift. For two reasons this is just plain crazy to me. 1. If that person doesn't win anything, you have just given them a useless piece of paper. What kind of gift is that? It's like giving them nothing. 2. What if they do win? What if they win big? Let's say $100,0000. That could have been you! All you had to do was keep the ticket for yourself. I wouldn't be able to handle that. I would eventually go crazy living with that on my mind. So take my advice. The next time you are running short on time and think about slipping in some lottery tickets with your gift...... Don't! Just give the person the $1.00 you would have spent on it and save your sanity.

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Chicken Nuggets or McNuggets?

I just got home from picking up some food at Wendy's. I love Wendy's because they have the 99 cent menu that includes a 5 piece chicken nugget. For some reason though, every time I order the nuggets I say "Chicken Mcnuggets", which we all know is what McDonald's calls them. I stop and try again but I can't not say "MC" in front of the nugget. Am I the only one who does this?

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Suitcase on Wheels?

Have you seen the people that take luggage to work with them? You know those suitcases on wheels that you can pull behind you. What are these people bringing to work? Their paperweight collection? What can really be that heavy that you would need a suitcase?
To me this would be too much like going on vacation. I think if I started taking luggage to work it would totally ruin my whole vacation experience. Every time I was pulling my suitcase in the airport it would feel like I am going to work! Who wants that?

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Three Sheets to the Wind - What Does this Mean?

Have you ever heard the expression that a person is "Three sheets to the wind"? It means that a person is very drunk. But where did this expression come from and what does it mean? Here's what I found out:

"To understand this phrase we need to enter the arcane world of nautical terminology. Sailors' language is, unsurprisingly, all at sea and many supposed derivations have to go by the board. Don't be taken aback to hear that sheets aren't sails, as landlubbers might expect, but ropes (or occasionally, chains). These are fixed to the lower corners of sails, to hold them in place. If three sheets are loose and blowing about in the wind then the sails will flap and the boat will lurch about like a drunken sailor.

The phrase is these days more often given as 'three sheets to the wind', rather than the original 'three sheets in the wind'.

Sailors at that time had a sliding scale of drunkenness; three sheets was the falling over stage; tipsy was just 'one sheet in the wind', or 'a sheet in the wind's eye'."

So there you have it. Now we have to figure out "What do you do with a Drunken Sailor early in the morning".

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Wet Plastic = Anger - From The Archives

(Originally Posted 9/3/06)
I don't ask for too many things in my life. But for once, I would like to open up my dishwasher and see a new sight. All I want is to have my Tupperware and other plastic items to be dry! Everytime, it's the same old thing. I pick up the piece of Tupperware and water dribbles all over. Either that or there is a big puddle on top of my favorite plastic Iowa State mug. What I don't understand is...... It has an option for "Heated Dry". Shouldn't this take care of the problem? I know this isn't an isolated event. I have used over 10 dishwashers, all with the same effect.

If someone knows of a dishwasher that guarantees to dry tupperware please let me know! I am willing to pay large sums of money. Just help me get a piece of dry Tupperware!

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Uncomfortable Return - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 6/1/06)
Well, I did it again this morning. I seem to fall into the same trap on a daily basis. A trap set by my self. I opened the door to my car this morning to head for work. Of course I was only half awake (like a zombie pretty much). I slowly put the key in and started the Ion up. Then............... BLAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No it wasn't a car bomb planted by a member of the Corleone family, it was my radio turned up to a point where it felt like my ears were going to bleed. What was I thinking when I pulled my car into the garage the night before?
Isn't it strange that the music didn't seem so loud the night before, but now it just made me insane in the membrane. Another one of life's mysteries. I guess I could just get in the habit of turning off the radio when I leave the car..... But that would be too easy. :)

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The Athena Project - Another Gem from Brad Thor

I just finished reading another great book by Brad Thor today. In Thor’s latest book The Athena Project, four of Delta’s best and brightest women are about to undertake one of the nation’s deadliest assignments. Introduced briefly in a previous Thor book, Foreign Influence, the girls of Athena are back again, kicking butt and protecting the United States. This book has something for both men and women to enjoy and I would recommend this to everyone. I really enjoyed how the book uses bit of WWII history and ties them into modern war on terror. It’s a quick read, and you will find yourself staying up all night to finish it. But don’t despair when you are done. The book sets itself up for a sequel to follow and I’ve seen rumors posted around the web about a possible movie deal!

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Breakfast Cereal - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 5/23/05)
I'm curious if I'm the only one who does this? After I pour a bowl of cereal into the bowl, I put the box down next to me at the table. If I have no paper to read, I will read the entire cereal box, from nutritional information to ingredients. I do this every time I eat cereal. I could have the same box of Lucky Charms for a week straight and still read that stupid box every time I eat it. If you ask me to remember what is says......no clue! Somehow when I eat cereal, my brain goes to a far off galaxy where it can't retain information. Does anyone else relate?

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I Ordered a Glass of Water..... Not Lemon Water

I don't understand why restaurants insist on putting lemon wedges in my water without me asking. Shouldn't they only put the lemon in my water if I ask. Since when did water just come with lemon in it? Sure, I could fish out the piece of lemon, but by that point the water has been tainted. Not to mention the fact that lemon wedges have a high level of bacteria from being prepared by workers not wearing gloves. Now, if you want to throw a lemon wedge in my Bacardi Limon and Seven go ahead. In that case the alcohol is hopefully killing off all the bacteria. Cheers!

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The Colgate Curse - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 11/15/06) If you are like me, you brush your teeth two times a day or maybe even more. The "Colgate Curse" applies to the morning brush. This is the brush before you are exposed to the world, and nobody wants to introduce Mr. Morning Breath to everyone. Keep in mind, this may only happen to me, so I need your feedback.
So there I am, finishing up brushing, spitting out that last mouthful of water and then wiping off my face of any excess toothpaste. I look in the mirror and I think to myself, "There is one good-looking guy, with some minty fresh breath to say the least". But, I have made a fatal error... I have forgotten about......"THE COLGATE CURSE"! It usually doesn't hit you until an hour later. You are sitting at work and notice a white paste on your pants.
What is that? That has to be toothpaste. Right?! What was I doing last in these pants? Hmmm.. Then you try to take some water and rub out the white stain.... IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE. Now the stain has spread out even more. What will others think? AHHHHH, "The Colgate Curse" has gotten me again!
Did I make you look at your pants for a white stain?

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Are Those Real? - From The Archives

(Originally Posted 5/2/05)
I think I know what it feels like to be a woman with fake breasts. How can this be possible? I get asked on a daily basis, "Are those real?" Yes they are and thank you for asking. Of course this comment is being directed towards my eyes, not my breasts. It's nice to be complimented on something, but when that is the only thing you hear, over and over again.....it gets old. I know that there are many others of you out there. You have the perfect hair, the perfect butt, or something that everyone always makes a comment on. It's strange how someone trying to be nice to you can actually annoy you.

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Bears at Merle Hay Mall?

Never thought I would see a bear and other wildlife at the mall, but I guess I was wrong. Thanks to the Red Rock Wildlife Education Center at Merle Hay Mall the next time you are shopping for that new outfit, you can also check out some wildlife. Admission is only a $1.00. A good chance to show the kids some animals they don't see everyday.
I know one thing for sure, I would hate to be the one carrying around a pretzel and soda, from the food court, when one of those bears got loose!

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The Most Interesting Man in the World eats at Viva La Bamba in Urbandale?

No, I'm talking about me. This past weekend when I walked into Viva La Bamba Mexican restaurant, who did I bump into? None other than the Most Interesting Man in the World. And if that wasn't cool enough, he was wearing a sombrero. Okay, it wasn't the real guy, it was a cardboard cutout, but still pretty awesome. Which gives you just another reason to eat at Viva La Bamba (see earlier review here).
Just for some fun, here are some great quotes from the Most Interesting Man in the World commercials:
"He is the life of parties he never attended."
"He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels."
"He's won trophies for his game face alone."
"His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw."
"If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the irresistible urge to thank him".
"His mother has a tattoo that reads 'son'".
"At museums he is allowed to touch the art."
"Sharks have a week dedicated to him."
"He can speak French, in Russian."
"He bowls overhand."

Stay thirsty my friends!

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Silos and Smokestacks Signs - Say What?

Have you ever seen the Silos and Smokestack signs along the interstate while driving? This sign (see picture) is on northbound I-35 in West Des Moines, approaching I-80 and I-235. I drive by it all the time and always wonder what it means. Are we talking nuclear silos, or corn silos? After a quick search here's what I found out:
Silos & Smokestacks National Heritage Area preserves and tells the story of American agriculture and its global significance through partnerships and activities that celebrate the land, people, and communities of the area.

Considered yourself enlightened.

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Some Bling for Your Belly - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 10/25/06) Much like champagne, Goldschlager has a reputation as a celebration drink. It is touted by style consultants for its ability to increase one's inner bling. Goldschlager actually has little flakes of gold floating around in it. For those of you who don’t know, Goldschlager is hard liquor that has a cinnamon taste.
So one night my friend and I were drinking some Goldschlager with some Bailey’s Irish Crème (Oatmeal Cookie). After a few drinks I noticed that both full bottles were gone. This is when things started to get interesting. My friend began to feel sick to her stomach. She stumbled and fell to the ground. She then proceeded to vomit all over the wall. By this time I was feeling a little gross myself and went to bed. The next morning I woke up and noticed that something shiny was on the wall. The gold flakes had stayed stuck on the wall where the vomit was. Wow. I now had a gold wall. It just goes to show, drinking does pay off sometimes!

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3 Things I Would Change About the Des Moines Arts Festival

The Des Moines Arts Festival is just a week away now, June 24th-26th. With it being so close, it got me thinking if I really wanted to attend this year? Then I thought to myself, what were 3 things I would change about the Arts Festival, to make me really want to go. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Plan the Arts Festival in early Spring or Fall. Yep, forget about having it at the end of June, when the average temperatures in Des Moines are in the 80’s. I want to walk around and not have to worry about sweating too much and dehydration.

2. Get more artists from Des Moines and the surrounding areas! Well, it is called the “Des Moines” Arts festival. But it seems like all the artists are from out of state. Why not showcase more of what we have here in the great state of Iowa?

3. No more jewelry, hats and purses. Do we really need to have 50 different venders showcasing this stuff? Let’s see more paintings, mixed media and sculptures.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for events and festivals in the Des Moines area. With just a little tweaking, they could be so much better!

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The Red Hat Ladies - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 1/21/07)
Sorry everybody for not writing for awhile. I have a good excuse. Please read the following to hear my story:
(Written December 13th, 2006)
Have you seen these ladies around town? Groups of older women get together wearing these bright red hats. Why you ask... very good question. After looking on their website, here is what I found out:
"The Red Hat Society began as a result of a few women deciding to greet middle age with verve, humor and elan. We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life, and since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next."
Although some of you might think that the red hat ladies are silly looking, or even "not cool" for wearing these attention getting hats...... I think they are on to something. I think I need to start some sort of organization where men can get together and live life to the fullest! But what?
I know. I will start the Red Ski Mask Society for Men over 25. We will get together and just have fun and not take life seriously. We can go to the bar, go bowling, golf and much much more. We could just even run simple errands together. If brother Bob needed to go to the grocery store we would go. If he needed to go to the bank our group of Red Ski Mask guys would go.

(Written December 16th, 2006)
So, we had our first get together yesterday. It didn't go so well. Brother Hernando needed some gas, so we all went to the local Git and Go. While he was pumping some gas the group of us wearing our ski masks decided to go inside and get some slushies. As soon as we walked in everybody starting screaming. I thought they were just excited that we formed a new club. But then an alarm went off and the teenage boy behind the counter pulled out a shotgun.
(Written Today)
After spending a little over a month in prison, I decided that the Red Ski Mask Society would not work out. For some reason the local police just wouldn't believe our story. But having a month to just think about things I think we would be better off just sticking with our weekly poker games to have fun as men. Hind Sight is 20/20!

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You've Really Got a MOLD on Me - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 3/9/06) Yesterday I made myself a nice BLT sandwich (Crisp bacon, crunchy lettuce and garden fresh tomatoes). It tasted great! Today I grabbed the bread from the bread box and what did I see?............ MOLD!!!! Could this mold have been there yesterday when I ate the BLT? Did it just grow overnight? I suddenly started to feel sick to my stomach. The BLT sandwich tasted good enough. Wouldn’t I have noticed if there was mold on the bread?
Isn’t it amazing how our minds work against us? I don’t know for sure if I ate mold or not, but just the thought of it made me want to throw up in my mouth. Have you ever seen something after that the fact with food? Maybe you noticed that the milk was out of date after you drink it. How did you react?

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Kids on a Leash - What's Next?

I don’t understand the idea of putting your kid on a leash. If you’re going to put a leash on your kid, why not forget the diaper and just have them go potty in the front yard? Okay, going potty in the front yard might be a extreme, but they actually sell leashes for kids, and people actually use them! No, I’m not making this up. I saw people using these at the zoo the other day.
I appreciate the fact that you don’t want to lose your kid. But, there has to be a better way to watch your child. Right?

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Arrested Development Movie? No Joke

One of my favorite short lived television shows is coming to the big screen. An Arrested Development movie has been announced and is scheduled to come out in 2012. One more chance for all of us to see the dysfunctional Bluth family and all their hilarious moments. Who knows we might even see Tobias one more time as Mrs. Featherbottom? I can't wait! If you've never watched Arrested Development, throw it in your Netflix Queue and get ready for some laughs.

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