Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Office Christmas Party

Every year around this time, offices around the country begin to have their holiday Christmas parties. The parties give us a chance to let our hair down and have a few drinks with our co-workers. Of course this year my office is doing nothing. PLUS.... We don't get a bonus. So whoever said County Government employees have it easy... Think twice.

But thanks to my wife this year and her work I get a free steak and lobster dinner, PLUS.....Free Drinks and she gets a bonus! YES!.

So for all of you attending office parties this year, here are the Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Office Christmas Party (according to David Letterman)

10. Eggnog smells suspiciously like Liquid Paper.
9. Anyone caught under mistletoe gets choked by Latrell Sprewell.
8. Because of "corporate downsizing," Santa is only 120 pounds.
7. Only food available is something called "reindeer kebabs."
6. Last time you saw this much sucking up was on the Tommy Lee-Pamela Anderson videotape.
5. Christmas tree is just a fat intern in a green sweater.
4. For the 16th year in a row, the Canadian band leader has passed out in the eggnog.
3. Thanks to the alcohol-free punch, not a single butt gets photocopied.
2. Boss offers to give you a raise, and he's not talking about money.
1. It's held every year on July 23rd.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Kentucky Fried Chicken

There has been something that has been bugging me lately. Why does Kentucky Fried Chicken have the thinnest napkin imaginable. I mean their chicken has to be one of the top five greasiest foods in the world. So, you would think that they would provide a nice thick, soft napkin to soak up the grease off my hands and face. Is the Colonel that cheap or what?
I was at my local KFC last week and I held up my napkin to the light and I could see right through it. Wow.....That's quality. I went through 6 napkins just to keep the grease off my fingers. This is fine when you are inside the KFC eating, but forget eating it in your car. You will definately be wiping your hands on your socks to dry that grease up!

Oh yeah, by the way..... Here is an old KFC joke from my childhood (a little gross). Why doesn't KFC keep toilet paper in their bathrooms? Because it's finger licking good.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Mental Mirror

Sometimes I can look in the mirror and think that I am the hottest guy on the planet. Other times I can’t stand the look of my ugly, Shrek like face. It is amazing how our mood and self-esteem can change the way we think about ourselves. Have you ever heard the expression “mind over matter”? This is so true of our lives as humans.
With the recent craze of plastic surgery in our society, it makes me wonder what I would change about myself. Other than the obvious, butt implants, I think I like the cards that I was dealt in the looks department. Would you change anything about yourself? Would it take the scalpel of a doctor or can a change in the way you think about yourself do the trick? My thoughts…..Positive thinking is free.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Friday's - Did you know?

Here is a Friday dose of Did you know?

-TIP is the acronym for "To Insure Promptness.
-On average, you breathe 23,000 times a day.
-A person can live without food for about a month, but only about a week without water.
-Men loose about 40 hairs a day. Women loose about 70 hairs a day.
-About 27% of food in developed countries are wasted each year. It's simply thrown away

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Moving Stairs

Sometimes right before I get on an escalator I get a little nervous. I am always paranoid that my footing will be off and I will fall flat on my face. In my 28 years on this Earth has it happened? No. Which only means the odds are against me.

Why do they need that emergency stop button? I remember being told of horror stories when I was little about somebody's clothes getting caught in the moving stairs and them being sucked under and killed. That can't be true...Can it? Take a look at his article.

So maybe my paranoia is a good thing. One thing I know for certain.... I will always tie my shoe laces before getting on an escalator!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The Colgate Curse

If you are like me, you brush your teeth two times a day or maybe even more. The "Colgate Curse" applies to the morning brush. This is the brush before you are exposed to the world, and nobody wants to introduce Mr. Morningbreath to everyone. Keep in mind, this may only happen to me, so I need your feedback......
So there I am, finishing up brushing, spitting out that last mouthful of water and then wiping off my face of any excess toothpaste. I look in the mirror and I think to myself, "There is one good-looking guy, with some minty fresh breath to say the least". But, I have made a fatal error... I have forgotten about......"THE COLGATE CURSE". It usually doesn't hit you until an hour later. You are sitting at work and notice a white paste on your pants.

What is that? That has to be toothpaste. Right?! What was I doing last in these pants? Hmmm.. Then you try to take some water and rub out the white stain.... IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE. Now the stain has spread out even more. What will others think? AHHHHH, "The Colgate Curse" has gotten me again!

Did I make you look at your pants for that white stain?

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Long Lost Twin

I was signing into my Paypal account today and this credit card ad popped up. It was like looking in a mirror! I think I have found my long lost twin. Of course my wife saw the picture and thought I was crazy. What do you think?

In other news, I finally found Brogan's Irish Cream. Let me explain... Four years ago I went on a Cruise and instead the usual Baileys Irish Creme... they had Brogan's Irish Cream. Which of course I want a few bottles because of the Brogan name. So I was surfing the net last week and I finally found an online store out of New York that sells this Irish treat! You should order some, it makes a great night cap with coffee. Click Here to order your bottle today.

Monday, November 06, 2006

A Great Week!

This past week was my wedding and honeymoon. The wedding went smoothly and I was able to showcase a few of my dancing skills. For the honeymoon we went to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. What a relaxing time. Here are a few pics of the wedding day and honeymoon. Two more days of vacation, then I am back to reality.

The weather was a perfect 90 degrees and sunny all week!
This was the view from our room. It was a pretty nice place. The name of the place was the RIU Palace and it is an all inclusive resort. Which means all the food and booze are taken care of. I had enough Corona to last me for a couple of years! :)


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