Monday, June 27, 2011

The Colgate Curse - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 11/15/06) If you are like me, you brush your teeth two times a day or maybe even more. The "Colgate Curse" applies to the morning brush. This is the brush before you are exposed to the world, and nobody wants to introduce Mr. Morning Breath to everyone. Keep in mind, this may only happen to me, so I need your feedback.
So there I am, finishing up brushing, spitting out that last mouthful of water and then wiping off my face of any excess toothpaste. I look in the mirror and I think to myself, "There is one good-looking guy, with some minty fresh breath to say the least". But, I have made a fatal error... I have forgotten about......"THE COLGATE CURSE"! It usually doesn't hit you until an hour later. You are sitting at work and notice a white paste on your pants.
What is that? That has to be toothpaste. Right?! What was I doing last in these pants? Hmmm.. Then you try to take some water and rub out the white stain.... IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE. Now the stain has spread out even more. What will others think? AHHHHH, "The Colgate Curse" has gotten me again!
Did I make you look at your pants for a white stain?

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Are Those Real? - From The Archives

(Originally Posted 5/2/05)
I think I know what it feels like to be a woman with fake breasts. How can this be possible? I get asked on a daily basis, "Are those real?" Yes they are and thank you for asking. Of course this comment is being directed towards my eyes, not my breasts. It's nice to be complimented on something, but when that is the only thing you hear, over and over gets old. I know that there are many others of you out there. You have the perfect hair, the perfect butt, or something that everyone always makes a comment on. It's strange how someone trying to be nice to you can actually annoy you.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Bears at Merle Hay Mall?

Never thought I would see a bear and other wildlife at the mall, but I guess I was wrong. Thanks to the Red Rock Wildlife Education Center at Merle Hay Mall the next time you are shopping for that new outfit, you can also check out some wildlife. Admission is only a $1.00. A good chance to show the kids some animals they don't see everyday.
I know one thing for sure, I would hate to be the one carrying around a pretzel and soda, from the food court, when one of those bears got loose!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Most Interesting Man in the World eats at Viva La Bamba in Urbandale?

No, I'm talking about me. This past weekend when I walked into Viva La Bamba Mexican restaurant, who did I bump into? None other than the Most Interesting Man in the World. And if that wasn't cool enough, he was wearing a sombrero. Okay, it wasn't the real guy, it was a cardboard cutout, but still pretty awesome. Which gives you just another reason to eat at Viva La Bamba (see earlier review here).
Just for some fun, here are some great quotes from the Most Interesting Man in the World commercials:
"He is the life of parties he never attended."
"He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels."
"He's won trophies for his game face alone."
"His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw."
"If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the irresistible urge to thank him".
"His mother has a tattoo that reads 'son'".
"At museums he is allowed to touch the art."
"Sharks have a week dedicated to him."
"He can speak French, in Russian."
"He bowls overhand."

Stay thirsty my friends!

Monday, June 20, 2011

Silos and Smokestacks Signs - Say What?

Have you ever seen the Silos and Smokestack signs along the interstate while driving? This sign (see picture) is on northbound I-35 in West Des Moines, approaching I-80 and I-235. I drive by it all the time and always wonder what it means. Are we talking nuclear silos, or corn silos? After a quick search here's what I found out:
Silos & Smokestacks National Heritage Area preserves and tells the story of American agriculture and its global significance through partnerships and activities that celebrate the land, people, and communities of the area.

Considered yourself enlightened.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Some Bling for Your Belly - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 10/25/06) Much like champagne, Goldschlager has a reputation as a celebration drink. It is touted by style consultants for its ability to increase one's inner bling. Goldschlager actually has little flakes of gold floating around in it. For those of you who don’t know, Goldschlager is hard liquor that has a cinnamon taste.
So one night my friend and I were drinking some Goldschlager with some Bailey’s Irish Crème (Oatmeal Cookie). After a few drinks I noticed that both full bottles were gone. This is when things started to get interesting. My friend began to feel sick to her stomach. She stumbled and fell to the ground. She then proceeded to vomit all over the wall. By this time I was feeling a little gross myself and went to bed. The next morning I woke up and noticed that something shiny was on the wall. The gold flakes had stayed stuck on the wall where the vomit was. Wow. I now had a gold wall. It just goes to show, drinking does pay off sometimes!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

3 Things I Would Change About the Des Moines Arts Festival

The Des Moines Arts Festival is just a week away now, June 24th-26th. With it being so close, it got me thinking if I really wanted to attend this year? Then I thought to myself, what were 3 things I would change about the Arts Festival, to make me really want to go. Here’s what I came up with:

1. Plan the Arts Festival in early Spring or Fall. Yep, forget about having it at the end of June, when the average temperatures in Des Moines are in the 80’s. I want to walk around and not have to worry about sweating too much and dehydration.

2. Get more artists from Des Moines and the surrounding areas! Well, it is called the “Des Moines” Arts festival. But it seems like all the artists are from out of state. Why not showcase more of what we have here in the great state of Iowa?

3. No more jewelry, hats and purses. Do we really need to have 50 different venders showcasing this stuff? Let’s see more paintings, mixed media and sculptures.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for events and festivals in the Des Moines area. With just a little tweaking, they could be so much better!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Red Hat Ladies - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 1/21/07)
Sorry everybody for not writing for awhile. I have a good excuse. Please read the following to hear my story:
(Written December 13th, 2006)
Have you seen these ladies around town? Groups of older women get together wearing these bright red hats. Why you ask... very good question. After looking on their website, here is what I found out:
"The Red Hat Society began as a result of a few women deciding to greet middle age with verve, humor and elan. We believe silliness is the comedy relief of life, and since we are all in it together, we might as well join red-gloved hands and go for the gusto together. Underneath the frivolity, we share a bond of affection, forged by common life experiences and a genuine enthusiasm for wherever life takes us next."
Although some of you might think that the red hat ladies are silly looking, or even "not cool" for wearing these attention getting hats...... I think they are on to something. I think I need to start some sort of organization where men can get together and live life to the fullest! But what?
I know. I will start the Red Ski Mask Society for Men over 25. We will get together and just have fun and not take life seriously. We can go to the bar, go bowling, golf and much much more. We could just even run simple errands together. If brother Bob needed to go to the grocery store we would go. If he needed to go to the bank our group of Red Ski Mask guys would go.

(Written December 16th, 2006)
So, we had our first get together yesterday. It didn't go so well. Brother Hernando needed some gas, so we all went to the local Git and Go. While he was pumping some gas the group of us wearing our ski masks decided to go inside and get some slushies. As soon as we walked in everybody starting screaming. I thought they were just excited that we formed a new club. But then an alarm went off and the teenage boy behind the counter pulled out a shotgun.
(Written Today)
After spending a little over a month in prison, I decided that the Red Ski Mask Society would not work out. For some reason the local police just wouldn't believe our story. But having a month to just think about things I think we would be better off just sticking with our weekly poker games to have fun as men. Hind Sight is 20/20!

Monday, June 13, 2011

You've Really Got a MOLD on Me - From the Archives

(Originally Posted 3/9/06) Yesterday I made myself a nice BLT sandwich (Crisp bacon, crunchy lettuce and garden fresh tomatoes). It tasted great! Today I grabbed the bread from the bread box and what did I see?............ MOLD!!!! Could this mold have been there yesterday when I ate the BLT? Did it just grow overnight? I suddenly started to feel sick to my stomach. The BLT sandwich tasted good enough. Wouldn’t I have noticed if there was mold on the bread?
Isn’t it amazing how our minds work against us? I don’t know for sure if I ate mold or not, but just the thought of it made me want to throw up in my mouth. Have you ever seen something after that the fact with food? Maybe you noticed that the milk was out of date after you drink it. How did you react?

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Kids on a Leash - What's Next?

I don’t understand the idea of putting your kid on a leash. If you’re going to put a leash on your kid, why not forget the diaper and just have them go potty in the front yard? Okay, going potty in the front yard might be a extreme, but they actually sell leashes for kids, and people actually use them! No, I’m not making this up. I saw people using these at the zoo the other day.
I appreciate the fact that you don’t want to lose your kid. But, there has to be a better way to watch your child. Right?

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Arrested Development Movie? No Joke

One of my favorite short lived television shows is coming to the big screen. An Arrested Development movie has been announced and is scheduled to come out in 2012. One more chance for all of us to see the dysfunctional Bluth family and all their hilarious moments. Who knows we might even see Tobias one more time as Mrs. Featherbottom? I can't wait! If you've never watched Arrested Development, throw it in your Netflix Queue and get ready for some laughs.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...